Last WEP I typed up a very personal piece and at the last minute decided not to participate. I had a lot going on and sharing my insides did not feel comfortable. For whatever reason, the same thing is still on my mind. Of course, it is. It is life! I am still not ready to share the other piece, but I could not miss out again just because I was too afraid. After all, this is the time of year to face one's fears.
So here is a poem I wrote. It touches on the same subject. Maybe you will feel the emotion and maybe you will understand my words before I explain them. (And maybe it has been too long since I wrote poetry and I have no idea what I'm doing) ;)
"The Scream is Silent"
Scream.
Why did he do that?
What is his problem?What is wrong with him?
Haven't you taught him?
Why do you do that?
Why can’t you listen?
Focus, look at me?
Look at me.
Why did you…
Look at me.
What happened?
Tell me what happened.
Look at me.
That doesn’t make sense.
What did you do?
Why do you do that?
Why can’t you listen?
Focus, look at me?
Look at me.
Why did you…
Look at me.
What happened?
Tell me what happened.
Look at me.
That doesn’t make sense.
What did you do?
Look at that!
I can’t believe he is so smart.
You’re such a great mom.
How did he learn that?
Where did he learn that?
I can’t believe he is so smart.
You’re such a great mom.
How did he learn that?
Where did he learn that?
Awesome job, you did great.
I love what you did.
That looks so nice.
Fantastic work, kiddo.
I love what you did.
That looks so nice.
Fantastic work, kiddo.
But not that.
Why does he do that?
Oh, that’s why.
Why does he do that?
Oh, that’s why.
Anger
Pushing
Spitting
Kicking
Name-calling
Screaming
Pushing
Spitting
Kicking
Name-calling
Screaming
Drawing
Painting
Sewing
Building
Designing
Creating
Painting
Sewing
Building
Designing
Creating
Sighing, not screaming.
Masking.
The scream is silent.
Masking.
The scream is silent.
WC: 127 words
Autism Acceptance because Awareness is not enough.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteI read 'challenge' and that is all the need be said... YAM xx
I don't think masking a child will stop the screaming though. Not that I've tried! Glad you participated this time.
ReplyDelete😂 likely not! But masking is what keeps me from screaming. (It's the type of masking that got me through life long before masks were a thing, lol.)
DeleteSo many meanings to masking!
ReplyDeleteAutism can be a challenging diagnosis. Sending hugs your way and hopes things improve. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! Challenging is the right word. Like many things in life, gifts and trials arrive together.
DeletePowerful insight into the world of autism and coping mechanisms! It must be incredibly difficult.
ReplyDeleteThe most difficult part is putting it in the open. Thank you for your kind words!
DeletePowerful. And heart rending. Don't we all wear masks (at least some of the time). And sadly don't we all let other people's criticisms peel them away.
ReplyDeleteYes and yes! I cannot imagine living without a mask.
DeleteMental illness is hard to live with: in your loved ones and in yourself. Acceptance helps. The knowledge that it is nobody's fault helps too. Just chemicals in the brain rioting. Nobody's to blame. We just go on, one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteGreat entry, Steph.
Thank you! I love the way you put that. It is truly acceptance to realize there is nothing "wrong."
DeleteSteph, your poem is very powerful, goes straight to the heart. The difficulty of living with autism in so few words. Emotions run high. I'm struck by your use of 'masking'. We all wear masks of one sort or the other. Great entry. Personal pieces are often the most effective, even though difficult to share.
ReplyDeleteThank you, it feels good to hear this.
DeleteMy heart went out to this imaginary person who is suffering through much pain. We need to open our eyes to what reality is really like and hear the silent screams of many.
ReplyDeleteShalom aleichem
Yes. I think we all have silent screams inside that we do not let out. Thank you.
DeleteHi Steph - like the others I feel for you ... masking is one way we cope - but for ever and a day - it's not possible, even with a silent scream. A challenge to our being ... all the best to you - Hilary
ReplyDeleteTruly nothing is hidden forever! Thank you!
DeleteSo sorry for your sorrow, but by sharing you touch so many. I can not imagine your angst, but your writing gives me an understanding. Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am glad the words hold meaning for you.
DeleteI am so sorry for what you're going through. Too many screams are silent and remain unheard. Your poem is powerful and moving. I agree with Denise that autobiographical, emotional pieces are often the most moving though not as easily shared as purely fictional ones. Thank you for this entry. All the very best to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I never intended this platform to be personal at all, but writing comes from the inside, and it reveals a lot about us. I am glad I shared with you all.
DeleteThank you Steph for sharing your feelings in this poignant poem. Take care.
ReplyDeleteDear Miss Steph,
ReplyDeleteI’m so glad you found the courage to write this poem. Expressing your feelings and allowing others to hear your silent scream isn’t easy, but it is a helpful means of coping with life’s difficulties. Thank you for sharing. I care.
Thank you, I know that sharing this out loud has helped me dive deeper into acceptance.
DeleteAutism can be difficult in so many ways. I hope you will eventually feel comfortable sharing your other piece, and I'm glad you chose to share this one. You evoke so much in so few words.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I hope so too. I appreciate all the kind words!
DeleteIt is never easy to share personal pieces, but you have done it so beautifully! Tight hugs to you <3
ReplyDeleteA mother's patience is certainly their virtue. LOVE does conquer so much, but not all. Any kind of outlet is necessary to cope with such a challenge. I was always told that God only gives us what we can handle. With an autistic or any handicapped child, they are often put on this earth given to a parent who has the strength to give this child's life meaning. Parents often learn amazing lessons from these special children. Keep breathing and he will find a way.
ReplyDeleteSorry... you will find a way.
DeleteThank you for your words! I want to be perfect and strong and protective and in the end, it is not all up to me. I have learned this and so much more.
DeleteI recognized the autism-spectrum behaviors in the poem, and send you my best wishes for making it through. I can only say this, out of my own experience with a son who is mildly Aspergers: you'll always second-guess what you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over any of it. We do the best we can.
ReplyDeleteThank you, it is good to hear this.
DeleteThis is brave and vulnerable work. Thank you so much for sharing, Steph--it could not have been easy. It is a privilege to read it.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your kind words!
DeleteI think we all want to yell that at our kids. I can't judge the poetry aspect, but I like it.
ReplyDeleteNancy
I knew where you were going with this from the first stanza. My step-brother is autistic and he faces so much judgement and stigma. It is sad that we still teach kids to push down their emotions in order to be "good" and that parents can feel like they've failed if their child has a public tantrum. I wish their was more support and less judgement. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteThere is a boy in the house diagonally behind me who is probably on the spectrum somewhere. I can only tell by the reaction of his parents. It must be hell for them, and the constantly wearing down of patience... Beautifully written, Steph.
ReplyDeleteThings close to your heart are difficult to set free for public view. Glad you chose to set some of that fear aside and enter this month. Kuddos and blame are two sides of the Mom coin, aren't they? Great contribution to October's WEP.
ReplyDeleteI felt the pain and hopelessness of the situation through your poem. I'm glad you shared it with us despite your misgivings. It is so hard to put your personal life out there. Thank you for trusting us.
ReplyDelete